The world is full of awesomeness, and it’s also full of awesome, ummm, how do I put this… *opportunities* to be decent and better human beings.

Over the last couple years, I have been keeping a funny list with the intent to write a blog post about all the little rules for basic human decency I come across. Most of these are just observances of people and situations. A few are things I knew I could have done better. Anyways, I finally pulled the list up and realized it was *super* long (the count was 99) so I decided to share it 33 rules at a time so that your eyes don’t permanently glaze over. This is the last of those lists.

My Final 33 Rules to Not be a Crummy Human Being

  1. When someone asks you for your honest opinion, give your honest opinion even if it will hurt their feelings. We all need to know that there’s someone who will be honest with us when our outfit looks like it was put together by two-year olds.
  2. Don’t fling your boogers out the car window when another car is directly behind you. This may be hard to believe, but nobody likes wiping other people’s boogers off of their cars.
  3. Just because people are in service jobs does not mean they’re “below” you. It also doesn’t mean that you can treat them as crappy as you like. It also doesn’t mean you get to be an A-Class Weenie.
  4. If someone asks you what restaurant you’d prefer to eat at, don’t say you don’t know or that you don’t care. Tell them because they actually want to know. Same goes for movies to go watch.
  5. When a car is trying to get into your lane, let them, even if they are one of the jerks that passes the entire line of cars and sneaks into the front. Being stubborn only slows everyone else down even more.
  6. When you’re no longer interested in dating someone that you went out with, tell them instead of ignoring them. They’re adults. They should be able to handle it maturely. If they can’t, then you’ll know you dodged a big bullet.
  7. When you use a public toilet, flush it. Use your foot if you don’t want to use your hand. Use the force if you don’t want to use your foot. Just don’t leave your nasty for the next person to deal with.
  8. Use the crosswalk if you’re a pedestrian. Don’t stand or walk in the middle of busy streets or intersections and expect drivers to trust that you know what you’re doing.
  9. When you and the car opposite you both try and move to the middle lane at the same time, laugh about it.
  10. Don’t hock your loogies onto the path that other people will be walking. For realsies guys.
  11. Ask the strongest people in your life if they’re okay sometimes. Being strong doesn’t mean that nothing’s ever wrong.
  12. If you make a rule for your kid, and you punish your kid when they break that rule, and then you break that rule… give yourself the same punishment right in front of them.
  13. If you smoke, don’t make the world your ash tray. Cigarette butts are as ugly as any other litter.
  14. When someone in your life is having a bad day, and they’re taking it out on everyone in their path (including you), don’t point it out to them. They already know and they already hate that they’re doing it. And the next day when they try to apologize or make an excuse, simply laugh and say, “I just assumed you had a hedgehog stuck in your undies.”
  15. So you smoke. I don’t care. Just don’t make me or my kid pass through your smoke to get into the store. One of these days I’m just going to kick you in the junk and say, “there, now we’ve both done a little damage to each other’s offspring.”
  16. When a mother is struggling with multiple kids and groceries, don’t offer to help. Just go help. Moms will almost always tell you no when you offer, but they’ll almost never refuse help that’s just given.


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Dan Pearce is an American born writer, photographer, and artist. His books include "The All-Important, Well-Fed, Giant White Man" and "The Real Dad Rules." He is best known for his blog (and supporting Facebook page) "Single Dad Laughing," with 2 million followers as of 2018.