Nurse & Lawyer

The following is extremely sound science which will certainly ruffle the feathers of some. But, it’s science. And as a bonafide scientist it is my duty to report the truthful facts no matter the consequences.

And this is how my research went down…

You see, I have conducted research which adduces the personalities of 100% of all single female registered nurses and 100% of all single female lawyers based on a thorough study involving exactly four registered nurses and four lawyers. This study took place over the past five years, and there is a small chance that there were only three lawyers. I may have counted one twice. But I’m pretty sure there were four. In fact, no. I am positive there were four.

I told you. This is sound science. It was a very sound study.

<ahem, sounds like horse crap, you may think, and with reason>


Enough science talk. I’m admittedly no scientist. The best grade I ever got in a science class was a C+, and that was just because the teacher thought I was as dumb as a stale biscuit and could use a win in life. Thanks, Mr. Statton. You would be proud to know that using what you taught me, I have uncovered something absolutely profound:

I have decided that all single female registered nurses are mean and vicious people to date. And, all single female lawyers are sweet and saintly people to date.

Now, before you nurses get your panties super twisted, listen to how I came to this conclusion. And then get your panties twisted. I assure you no one thinks hyperbole is as unfair as I do. But I’m still going to use it on you today because… I’m a blogger and hyperbole buys my bread.

So where were we? Oh, yes. All nurses are mean and vicious people to date. All lawyers are saintly and sweet.

This idea started years ago when I setup a date with a very pretty woman who happened to also be my first date with a registered nurse. I expected her to be sweet and kind, just like all the nurses I had ever met in my hospital adventures.

She and I met at a bar for drinks. Well, I met there. She was half an hour late, with no apologies. I was about to leave when she walked in. But she did walk in, was as pretty as she was in the pictures, so I forgave her as she sat down next to me. Before the bartender could even ask what she wanted, she reached out, and with the haunting voice of a demon mixed with the frantic squeal of a wild boar, she grabbed my leg which apparently had been shaking, and she grumbled, “STOP SHAKING YOUR LEG.” She was then super mean for the rest of the 30 minutes we spent together, and I went home alone. Happily.

A few weeks later, I went out on a date with my first lawyer. This should be interesting, I thought. I expected her to charge me two hundred dollars an hour for the date, and to round the price up. I expected her to tear apart everything I said and look for holes in all of my stories. She did none of that. She was just nice, and kind, and funny, and she was laid back, and chill, and just a pleasure to be out with. We spent hours together, gabbing the night away. And I still went home alone. That’s my life, folks. Going home alone is always my life.

Fast forward who knows how long…