First of all, language warning. As with my new book, I only add expletives to my writing when I think they’re important, and in this story they certainly are. And by the way, do you love how I found a way to quickly plug my new book there? Haha. Anyhoo…

Living downtown has its advantages and disadvantages, for sure.

Big advantage: the grocery store nearby is really nice, with really high quality food. It’s just classy, and clean, and full of local produce/products, and is within walking distance. You know which kind of grocery store I’m talking about. The kind where you feel like you need to rub hand sanitizer on anything you touch because you probably just infected it with whatever grossness you yourself are carrying.

Big disadvantage: the grocery store nearby is really nice, with really high quality food. This means really high prices. You know which kind of grocery store I’m talking about. The kind where you know it’s probably worth every penny, but you kinda wanna cry every time you put something into your cart because you know you just gave up a week’s worth of rent.

Anyway, that was a really long segue into this narrative. I could have just said, “Noah and I were shopping in this really nice grocery store.” But I didn’t. And, yes. We were.

The quality of the grocery store is actually important in this story, because usually when Noah and I shop there, it is full of business-types and downtowners. It’s full of well-spoken, cleanly dressed, and in general a very upscale clientele. Usually we are the ones underdressed and under-classy when we go in.

But not this day.

We emerged from the elevator onto the main shopping floor (don’t act surprised; I told you it was that kind of store). The first words we heard were, “git the fuck away from that.” A small four or five-year-old child had reached up to touch a display of glittery scented pinecones. He was wearing tattered and dirty clothes that were a size too small, and he instantly obeyed. His mother, or at least the woman I assumed was his mother, was standing near a hot cocoa rack some five feet away. If I could describe her in one word it would be: Clampett. “Right now. You git yer ass over here. Good fuck.” He obeyed.

Now, I could write an entire sequel to “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” but I’m in no mood to cast judgment on this woman. My guess would be that that life is the only life she has ever known. You know the kind… The kind where people are born and die yelling at each other, and telling each other to git the fuck away from things. And she was not trying to hide it. At all. She was being loud, and harsh, and didn’t seem to be aware that she should be aware of anyone else being around.

Obviously my first thought was… What the hell, lady.

Previous articleThe All-Important, Well-Fed, Giant White Man
Next articleOnly twenty bucks?!
Dan Pearce is an American born writer, photographer, and artist. His books include "The All-Important, Well-Fed, Giant White Man" and "The Real Dad Rules." He is best known for his blog (and supporting Facebook page) "Single Dad Laughing," with 2 million followers as of 2018.