I have learned that there are two certainties when it comes to Facebook:

Where there are people posting about their lives, there are going to be trolls, jerks, and meanie-face-poo-poo pants who will come out of the woodwork to do their awful thing.

Where one of them gets blocked or eradicated, another will always rise in his (or quite often her) place.

Before I get started on it though, let’s make sure that we’re all using the same definition of Internet Troll…

Here is the Wiki definition: “In Internet slang, a troll is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in online… with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion, often for their own amusement.

And here is a much more enjoyable definition from Urban Dictionary: “Freaking assholes who try to piss you off… They’re really annoying and will keep you going back and forth for HOURS!”

Anyway, this isn’t 1993. We all have had the Internet in our lives long enough to know what an Internet Troll’s comments look like. But did you know, and I really believe this, that there are many trolls (especially on Facebook) who don’t even realize they’re trolls at all? They honestly don’t know it.

Yes, there are the true trolls who just get a serious kick out of commenting terrible things and getting reactions; they aren’t hard to spot and block. But there are much more common kinds of trolls, too. I like to call them “Facebook Troll Dolls.” And I hope you’re not one of them, but the truth is you just might be one.

To assure yourself that you’re not one, simply make sure you don’t fit any of these criteria (all based on 100% real and recent interactions I’ve seen many, many times on Facebook). If you do fit them, guess what. You’re a Facebook Troll Doll… And you need to go sit in Facebook purgatory for a while and think about things, then come back when you’re ready to be a better human.

9 Definite Signs You’re a Facebook Troll (Doll)

1) You may be a Harsh Truth Troll if…


You feel that the harsh truth must be shared about anything you see on Facebook, no matter what.

Example: A Facebook friend posts a link to a song cover on YouTube that she really liked. You respond by publicly telling her it is the worst take on that song you’ve ever heard; it’s too draggy; and it sounds like the person singing it was on Quaaludes.

Guess what: She doesn’t care that you hated it. Nobody else who reads your comment cares that you hated it. She (and they) were too busy being positive and finding things in the world they liked. So keep it to yourself.

2) You may be a Good Guy Troll if…


You feel that when you do share your harsh opinion, you’re the good guy.

Example: A Facebook friend excitedly tells everyone how excited she is to move-in with the love of her life after two years of dating. You respond by publicly telling her it’s not a good idea, and by the way, here are links to two different articles proving how shacking up will destroy their relationship in the long run.

Guess what: You posting that will not stop her from moving in with the love of her life. It will, however, make her like you (a lot) less. It will also make anyone who reads your comment like you a lot less. I know you expected the self-righteous moral few to have your back, but those who agree are actually quite embarrassed by your actions and inability to stay out of other people’s business.

3) You may be a Right Way Troll if…

You believe there is only one right way to do most everything, and you are “passionate” about helping other people know what the right way is.

Example: A Facebook friend posts a link to a video showing an amazing way she discovered to pack a week’s worth of healthy lunches for her kids. You respond by publicly telling her the pitfalls of that plan, making sure she knows she’ll soon grow tired of doing it that way, and also telling her of a different way you tried that backs up all of your opinions.

Guess what: {GASP!} There is more than one right way to do a lot of things. And unless you’re going to buy the food, go to her house, and pack those lunches for her kids every week, get off your high horse and let her be excited about something she’s excited about!

4) You may be a Text Blamer Troll if…


You constantly blame people getting upset on your text not reading the same way you would sound if you said it in person.

Example: A Facebook friend posts a selfie showing his fitness progress, announcing that he’s excited about the results he is finally seeing after so much work. You respond by publicly telling him he sounds pretentious and self-absorbed. When he (and others) call you out on it, you reply “LOL, this is proof we need a sarcasm font.”

Guess what: Everyone just rolls their eyes behind their computer screens because the truth is you were just being a jerk, and they don’t want to get into it with you. Oh, and just a heads-up… Most people who read your comment also probably think you are insecure or jealous.