5) You may be a Knee-Jerk Reactor Troll if…
You leave knee-jerk comments to titles of links on your feed without actually following the link first.
Example: You see a Facebook link from a fabulously sexy bearded blogger with the title “I gotta say, you never looked so sexy.” The image accompanying the link features said fabulously sexy bearded blogger smiling. You respond by publicly telling him that he is too full of himself, he’s not that sexy, and you would never date him.
Guess what: Had you actually followed the link, you’d have realized it was a letter to the year 2016. Had you grasped this, you may have thought it was clever or uplifting. You probably still would have had a need to tell him he’s not sexy and you wouldn’t date him, but hey. You just can’t control yourself (refer back to #1).
6) You may be a Stupidville Troll if…
You find yourself constantly using any of the following phrases online:
Phrases: “That is just ridiculous.”
“How stupid can some people be?!”
“This conversation just makes me so mad.”
“Why the heck can’t people just see that…”
“I want to shoot myself in the face right now.”
“Did you fall asleep on the Dum Dum Bus and wake up in Stupidville?”
Guess what: All of those phrases mean only one thing. Trollville. Yep. They all declare two underlying sentiments: “I am smarter than everyone in the world!” and “I need the world to recognize that!” Oh, don’t worry. The world recognizes you when you say stuff like that. They recognize you as someone they don’t want to see more of in their lives (or feeds).
7) You may be a Sorry But Troll if…
You find yourself constantly using this one single phrase on Facebook: “I’m sorry, but…”
Example: A Facebook friend posts a status update with a selfie and says, “just because I feel pretty today.” You respond by publicly telling her, “I’m sorry, but what is the point of this except to make everyone look at you? Just be you and don’t try so hard. It’s not becoming.” (Yes, that is an actual quote I pulled off an actual friend’s post; a friend who I happen to know struggles with self-esteem already).
Guess what: You’re kind of an awful human. Any time you start a phrase with “I’m sorry, but…” you are simply saying, “So… I’m about to say something really offensive and terrible, and it will hurt your feelings, but you can’t be mad or get offended because I started off with an apology.”
8) You may be a Misunderstood Troll if…
You often have end Facebook threads with, “nobody seems to get me.”
Example: A Facebook friend posts something. Anything. You respond in any of the ways mentioned above. The Facebook friend gets (rightfully) offended. Other people get (rightfully) offended on behalf of the Facebook friend. And you get… frustrated. You argue your point. And you tell everyone why you’re right. And when everyone still thinks you’re a jerk, you brush it all off as everyone else’s fault by saying, “nobody seems to get me.”
Guess what: You are 100% right. The rest of us don’t get you. We don’t get your strange intrinsic need to be contentious, or bring others down, or put others in their place. We don’t get the way you look at life or other humans. If you don’t get that, then maybe try being a smidge bit more positive and see if people get you a smidge bit more.
You may be an Unfairly Labeled Troll if…
You get angry as you read articles like this because you feel like you’re being unfairly labeled.
Example: That same fabulously sexy bearded blogger from above writes a blog post just like this one. And he shares it. And you read it. And you can barely make it to the end because it ticks you off and makes you feel like you’re being labeled unfairly. You may even huff and puff things at your screen like, “what does he know?!” or “how stupid can some people be?” or “people just don’t get me!” Then you may even comment on the blog post something like, “I’m sorry but…”
Guess what: I don’t care. You’re a Facebook Troll (Doll). Be a better human and stop hiding behind the perceived anonymity of the Internet.
Most of you will not fit those criteria. Some of you will. If you do, there is good news! It’s not too late for you! Go here to get started on your path to Mega-Awesome-Human.
Dan Pearce, The Single Dad Laughing Blog
PS. I am 100% all for everyone sharing this post in a beautifully passive-agressive way any time you encounter a Facebook Troll Doll. In the mean time, just sharing it on your wall might help get things shifting in the right direction for some. Just don’t be surprised when #9 happens on your post…