After taking quite the break from Tinder, I finally hopped back on a couple weeks ago with exactly one expectation.

Find my soul-mate at all cost!!!

Or my next soul-shattering heartbreak.

Or my next one-night wonder. Whatever.

Okay. That last one’s not true. There’s no such thing as not wanting a second night of wonder with me. It’s true. I’m that good. Just don’t ask this list of people.

Ha. Ummm. Maybe I shouldn’t blog at 3AM. Or maybe I should. Anyhoo… I got back on Tinder. And you know what? Most people’s profiles are BORING. As far as I can see, there are only three types of profiles on Tinder.

  1. LAZY PROFILES: These are the profiles belonging to people who don’t put any information up at all. Not even one… single… word. They usually only have one or two photos. I always swipe left on these people because lazy people and I don’t get along long-term.
  2. AMAZING PROFILES: There is the occasional profile where I have no choice but to swipe right. I laugh (and hard) when I read their profile, and their pictures make me laugh even more. Looks become far less important because let’s be honest: laughter is the sexiest thing ever.  These people are original, funny, amusing, and downright entertaining.
  3. BORING PROFILES: These are the majority of profiles. They usually just have one or two short lines that are generic, demanding, or in many other ways blah. They will often have decent enough photos to scroll through, but it seems these people somehow put less work into their profiles than the lazy Tinder people do. It’s almost like they think, oh… I’ve seen that on three billion other profiles; I guess I’ll just say the same thing. Don’t be a boring person on Tinder.

Now, I understand that dating profiles are difficult to write. I mean… authoring an ad to say “HEY, I HAVE FAILED AT EVERY RELATIONSHIP I’VE EVER HAD, BUT I’M STILL A+ DATING MATERIAL!” It’s kind of awkward. But fear not. I’ve taken nine common boring profile statements I see again, and again, and again, and I’ve given one version of what you could maybe, possibly, similarly say in your own way. To spruce it up and all.

9 Common Tinder Statements and
At Least One Better Way to State Each

(If you’re having a hard time viewing these, tap on any image to start a higher resolution slideshow.)

9The One Seeking Someone Equally as Lame

8The One Seeking a Travel Companion

7The One Seeking a Gym Buddy

6The One Seeking Kindess

5The Happy and Drama-Free One

4The One Who Eats

3The One Who Desires Endless Laughter

2The One Seeking Height

1The One Who Wants a Real Date First

And that’s my list. Now go un-boring your profile! And share your own thoughts on Tinder and your clever profile paragraphs in the comments on Facebook!

As for me and my profile, I’m constantly changing it. If it stays the same for more than a few weeks, I get super bored with it myself. Currently I’ve settled in on this one and it does the job pretty well. I’m sure it’ll be different soon enough. And no, Internet trolls, that’s not a desperate invitation for thousands of women to find me on Tinder. Yes, that’s my Tinder account, but I have it set to a 20 mile radius, so I’m pretty sure it ain’t gonna show you to me… Move closer to Salt Lake City and we’ll have all the fun.

Until then, happy Tindering!

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing