Do you know what I’ve learned doing this #30DayLifeLaunch challenge?
I’ve learned that…. Hm. Weird. It does not matter how much excitement I have or how much effort I give to launching my life into the right direction if there is still all sorts of bullshit cluttering the ins and outs of my daily thinking.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had an awesome last week on this challenge.
I started working out. I jumped straight into it the first time I worked out and just decided to go as hard and as long as I could with my favorite full body heavy bag/body weight workout. I made it 9 minutes before I was on my hands and knees sucking wind like a fat kid on a Scout hike (a joke I can make since I was that fat kid).
I started eating better and eating out less. Fewer wrappers and more cooked meals made me a happier man, indeed. It’s amazing what real food does for the body and mind.
I started working more.
I finished a bunch of art projects I had started.
I started getting more sleep.
I was doing a lot of the right things, for sure. But…
There was a lot of bullshit still cluttering the background of my mind: bad habits I have gotten into, surrounding myself with certain people who do little but hurt me or aggravate me, not letting my mind recover from overloaded senses, holding too firmly onto grudges with people who have betrayed me, and perhaps worst of all… Thinking too much about the things I’ve done to hurt or offend certain people over the last couple years.
That last one, the one where I have to admit I’ve done and said some douchey things to people I care about, that one has been crippling me worst of all. So, this week I tackled it all.
I cut certain people out.
I invited certain people back in.
I asked for forgiveness.
I gave forgiveness.
I let go of that which I can’t control.
And I started seriously distancing myself from my bad habits, little by little.
I FEEL AWESOME!!!
That’s not true. I fibbed. I actually feel like there is a giant hole in the middle of my being right now. It’s a hole I have filled with all the bullshit for a while now, and I haven’t yet brought consistently better things into my life to fill that hole back up with positive things.
But, hey. I shoveled away the bullshit (or at least a good portion of it). That’s the real start to all this. And now that I have that gaping hole in me, I am opened up to all sorts of good things. I just have to make sure to follow through and fill the hole because if I don’t, it will just fill back up with everything I don’t want it to fill up with.
Ugh. It’s a weird feeling, getting rid of all the bullshit. The bullshit was there for a reason, after all. It was there to “protect” me from hurt. It was there to rationalize my actions. It was there to make me feel better about not doing good things with my life. That bullshit had become my friend. An unhealthy friend who enabled me to keep my life in the muck, but a friend nonetheless.
Some of my relationships are now raw. That’s okay.
Some of my routines are now gone. That’s okay.
Some of my excuses are now pulverized. Ick. I like having excuses.
Yep, there’s a hole alright.
I’m off to fill the damned thing up now. See you when I see you.
Dan Pearce | The Single Dad Laughing Blog