Humor

Junior Bleeping High?!

Today some absolute life BLEEP went down in the form of... junior high.

An Ode to Summer (Finally) Ending

As I lay here hiding in my bedroom, rocking to and fro, trying not to go absolutely nuts, I ended up writing this poem about summer and what it's like to be a parent by the end of this glorious season!

Date me. Or me. Or me. Or maybe ME?

Ahem. I shall now demonstrate why dating apps scare the bejeebers out of me in this day and age with all the apps we have readily available to us to help boost our dateability.

For All My Trolls…

It's been a while since I wrote something special for my trolls. There have been plenty since I came back to blogging. Well, trolls, this one is for you...

Anyone Who Calls Me “Bud” Can’t Be Trusted

salesperson who calls me bud can't be trusted
I went car shopping and listened to a 23-year-old salesperson call me "Bud" again and again until I had finally had enough...

My Trick to Stop Any Shit Talker Dead In His Verbal Tracks

Whether someone is talking shit to be funny or to try and hurt me, I have a little trick that works every single time to shut them up and stop them dead in their tracks...

I May Just Be the Great Dane of Humans

I am the Great Dane of Humans
What I'm writing today turned out to be a little morbid and twisted, kind of like the image I used for it, but hey. It's how I feel when I compare myself to dog breeds.

How Much Wood Could Chucky & Woody the Woodchucks Chuck?

Woody and Chucky the Woodchucks
Whew. It took me three full days to write and memorize this whole thing, and then only about 80 or so takes to get it (close to) flawless. So now the questions is... Can you keep up?

When Karma Made Me Pay $51 to My Kid For Trying to Dupe Him

This is the story of how I just tried to dupe my kid in the name of teaching him a valuable lesson, and instead karma got me good. Karma got me $51 good...

My 24 Favorite Tinder Screenshots From My 3 Years on Tinder

I've been saving my favorite Tinder screenshots for 3 years now, and I think it's time I start sharing some of the hilarious and awesome ones with all of you.

The Aging Giant Who Weighed 1/8th of a Ton

Not a whole lot of people can say they know what it's like to look over the tops of trees or weigh-in at a fraction of a ton. But people like that do exist, and I'm living proof.

Privacy Invading Weirdo Perv Dog

See this? It's a photo I snapped of Yeti. Cute, right? I guess so. If you're into privacy invading weirdo perv dogs...

Yet Another (Ahem) Epic First Date

woman with credit card and spending problems
Not every first date is a winner, but this one was... A convicted felon fresh out of prison, a crazy gold digger, and apparently running from a loan shark who wanted to hurt her...

Say Hey to Yeti, the Dumdumbest Sweetie Dog

Dan Pearce with Goldendoodle Dog
Say hey to Yeti, the dumdumbest sweetie dog you ever did meet, and the newest member of our bachelor pad. He ain't the sharpest pencil in the box, as he proves to us every single day...

So… Apparently, I Painted This in My Sleep

I slept so long, but woke up so tired. And then I found *this* in my phone. Apparently I painted it in my sleep? Ambien strikes again!

What I LOVE About Running at Near-Zero Temperatures

dan pearce running winter
I loathe running with all my desperately pumping heart, but decided now was the time to learn to love it: dead of winter, 2017. And this is what I ended up loving about it.

Dan's Suggested Reads:

SingleDadLaughing80

Here I go. I'm putting myself out there to see if I can land a hot date. Here is my online dating profile. Send me a message if you're interested!

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Photo of the Week: Distressed Architect

Every week I will share my favorite photo from the week with as little explanation as possible, since, you know, a picture says a thousand words.

Let me sleep in!